Sheesh! I love my little guy, but he NEVER stops moving or talking. He moves and talks all day long until he finally collapses into a deep sleep.
And then this energetic 8-year-old starts all over again first thing in the morning. From 0 to 60 in three seconds. He's dressed and ready for a full day of reading, playing, imagining, eating, theorizing, organizing, talking to the dogs, building Legos, creating spaceships and so much more.
Even now, at 9:23 p.m., he's telling me his legs aren't tired yet. Only his arms are. There's no school tomorrow so we're having some extra family time with finger foods and "camping out" in the living room. His sister (11) crashed on the couch snuggled into my hubby an hour ago and won't wake up till mid-morning tomorrow.
Counting My Blessings
I realize that we are very blessed to have a healthy, energetic, intelligent son who is also very considerate (he spent all day today creating and wrapping presents for his dad's birthday tomorrow). He's not hyperactive – he just has so much to do and talk about. I am so very thankful that he visits with me about what's going on his life. He's a healthy little guy who is growing well and is so very articulate. He gets plenty of sleep (once he stops moving) and is a delight to us. It can be tough to get much writing (or anything else) done when working at home. My prose can become peppered by "Hey, Mom!" and "Look at this!".
9:40 p.m. He's. Still. Moving. Dancing. Snapping his fingers. Spinning. "Disappearing" under the sleeping bag he's supposed to be laying under. Balancing a dog bone on his feet. Discussing TV commercials with us. Demonstrating a Lego project to his dad.
I get so exhausted just watching him. And perhaps I'm a bit jealous. I remember (barely) those days when I could be a whirling dervish of energy, single-handedly accomplishing a never-ending To Do list.
So, as I watch the silent film, The Artist, win the Golden Globe, I recognize the irony of this moment and am ever-thankful for the sounds of my sweet boy. Because it won't belong until he's got his own family and our house will be much too quiet.
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Don't Call Me That!
I cringed when I heard my name yesterday.
I like my name and am glad my parents gave it to me. And this wasn't a situation when my name was being used in vain. Nope, it was as simple as the 7-year-old boy across the street shouting, "Hey Michelle! Look at my new bike!"
"That is so cool!" I replied and admired him zipping around the cul-de-sac heading to our house to show my kids. "Very awesome, bud!"
What's in a Name?
When I was in my twenties and friends introduced me to kids as Ms. Byerly (when single) and then as Mrs. Lefebvre (after getting married), I would say, "That's okay. They can call me Michelle." If the parents felt like it was important for their children to address me formally, I supported that, but I was also okay with being called by my first name.
When I was teaching Sunday School or Vacation Bible School, the children would be more formal – it was appropriate for the setting. But in general, I was still more comfortable with kids calling me by my first name. Yet, now that I have children of my own, the casualness of first names feels a bit strange.
Different Generations, Different Styles
My husband was the youngest of parents who married late and had children when they were older. My mom married at 18 and I was born when she was 19. Because of that, my husband's father is in his mid-eighties (his mom passed away four years ago), while my parents are barely in their sixties.
That being said, my husband was always raised to call adults Mr. Smith, Mrs. Jones, etc., while my siblings and I addressed our parents' friends by their first names. With our children, we have always required them to address adults (even close friends and neighbors) as Mr. or Mrs. Usually it's Mrs. Jackson or Mr. Brown, but sometimes it's Mrs. Anna. The main thing is for our kids to show respect to adults.
Most of our friends do the same thing with their children, so I've grown accustomed to hearing Mrs. Lefebvre. Somewhere along the way, it's become such a normal thing that I now kinda cringe when I hear a 5-year-old boy say, "Michelle, Michelle. Can James come out and play?"
I'm not sure why. As my mother-in-law would have said, It just seems a bit "too familiar". Don't get me wrong – these little guys are good kids. They are polite, take their shoes off when they come into our house to play (we don't require it, but they do anyway), say "please" and "thank you", and are good playmates for my son. I've never mentioned it to them or their parents – it doesn't bother me THAT much. I'm just getting old, I guess!
So, what do people call you? And how do you feel about it?
I like my name and am glad my parents gave it to me. And this wasn't a situation when my name was being used in vain. Nope, it was as simple as the 7-year-old boy across the street shouting, "Hey Michelle! Look at my new bike!"
"That is so cool!" I replied and admired him zipping around the cul-de-sac heading to our house to show my kids. "Very awesome, bud!"
What's in a Name?
When I was in my twenties and friends introduced me to kids as Ms. Byerly (when single) and then as Mrs. Lefebvre (after getting married), I would say, "That's okay. They can call me Michelle." If the parents felt like it was important for their children to address me formally, I supported that, but I was also okay with being called by my first name.
When I was teaching Sunday School or Vacation Bible School, the children would be more formal – it was appropriate for the setting. But in general, I was still more comfortable with kids calling me by my first name. Yet, now that I have children of my own, the casualness of first names feels a bit strange.
Different Generations, Different Styles
My husband was the youngest of parents who married late and had children when they were older. My mom married at 18 and I was born when she was 19. Because of that, my husband's father is in his mid-eighties (his mom passed away four years ago), while my parents are barely in their sixties.
That being said, my husband was always raised to call adults Mr. Smith, Mrs. Jones, etc., while my siblings and I addressed our parents' friends by their first names. With our children, we have always required them to address adults (even close friends and neighbors) as Mr. or Mrs. Usually it's Mrs. Jackson or Mr. Brown, but sometimes it's Mrs. Anna. The main thing is for our kids to show respect to adults.
Most of our friends do the same thing with their children, so I've grown accustomed to hearing Mrs. Lefebvre. Somewhere along the way, it's become such a normal thing that I now kinda cringe when I hear a 5-year-old boy say, "Michelle, Michelle. Can James come out and play?"
I'm not sure why. As my mother-in-law would have said, It just seems a bit "too familiar". Don't get me wrong – these little guys are good kids. They are polite, take their shoes off when they come into our house to play (we don't require it, but they do anyway), say "please" and "thank you", and are good playmates for my son. I've never mentioned it to them or their parents – it doesn't bother me THAT much. I'm just getting old, I guess!
So, what do people call you? And how do you feel about it?
Monday, January 9, 2012
The News Stinks
Today has been an annoying day. Much of the news (especially online) has focused on the birth of Blue Ivy Carter to Beyoncé and Jay-Z, and all of the extravagances that included. While it is yet to be determined what is fact and what is fiction, it is true that the media (including bloggers like myself) have been chattering away about a supposed $1.3 million rental for the hospital floor where baby Blue was born. Yes, the birth of a baby is amazingly special – and stars do deserve some privacy – but this is quite the spectacle.
That alone is enough to get me on my soapbox talking about the entitlement attitude of today's stars, but then the reports continued revealing that the stars' security staff allegedly prevented a father from seeing his newborn preemie daughters. Furthermore, they went on to allege that hospital staffers were required to turn in their cell phones so that no photos could be leaked and apparently also required the staff to tape over the security cameras. While it might be okay to prevent photography by cell phone, if it's true that security cameras were covered, that creates a security risk for all of the patients and staff at the hospital – and even for the very stars who allegedly demanded this behavior.
There's much more I could say on this topic, but so many others have already shared their thoughts. And perhaps, the reports are completely wrong. Just as it was misconstrued a few days ago when it was reported that Elin Nordegren demolished the $12.3 million dollar home she bought. Initial media coverage positioned it as a self-centered indulgence or revenge against her philandering ex-husband, Tiger Woods.
Now, a few days later, the online news media is reporting that Tiger's ex had the property razed because it didn't meet current standards regarding its ability to withstand hurricanes – and it was termite infested. Apparently, Ms. Nordegren had told Habitat for Humanity that they could come in before the demolition and take what they want. That's a bit better. But, in today's economy, it's still tough to stomach the destruction of a $12.3 million property.
Of course, the news continues to be bad. Our state (Illinois) now has the lowest credit rating of any of the 50 states. Yahoo! News reports that the Greek government made a decision to expand a list of disability categories to include pedophiles. The Republican candidates are spending millions and millions of dollars to bad-mouth members of the very political party they belong to. Blah, blah, blah. The news is truly a downer.
A Changing Tide
After a quiet evening with the kids and some relaxing music, my husband and I switched on Rock Center with Brian Williams. This was the reminder I needed of the good in humanity. Always professional, but with a glint in his eye, Mr. Williams delivers the news with just the right tone and tonight was no different. One of the stories that caught my attention was when he introduced "veteran parent" Kate Snow – from the moment that he introduced her as a veteran parent (rather than veteran reporter), I knew this story would be worth my time.
While I was aware of the Percy Jackson books, I didn't realize how they came to be. Middle school teacher, Rick Riordan, had a son who didn't enjoy reading. A loving father spending time with his son was the genesis of this multi-million dollar empire. Ms. Snow went on to effectively communicate the parallel growth of these books and Mr. Riordan's relationship with his son. I hope you'll read more about it here.
As Rock Center was wrapping up and I was winding down, Ron Allen beautifully shared the story of Mike and Missy Wilson who exude love, acceptance and compassion. Nearly in tears watching as these parents talked about their two adopted children from Haiti, you could see the pain in their hearts as they seek to do even more for Haitian kids than they already have. Mr. Allen (himself the adoptive father of an Ethopian daughter) shared the poignant details about how a chance encounter between Pastor Wilson and Mr. Williams led to life-changing events for these sweet little girls. I hope you'll take a few moments to read the report here (and watch the video).
It's Not Over Till It's Over
Yes, it's been a discouraging day seeing all the bad news – or what is construed as good news as in the case of a million dollar birth to two superstars. I feel like I'm fighting an uphill battle to raise kind and generous children.
I don't want my kids to worship and adore those who shine for a few moments and then indulge themselves in ridiculous ways. I want my son and daughter to recognize and value those who truly make a difference in this world. One person at a time. Not one #1 hit at a time.
That alone is enough to get me on my soapbox talking about the entitlement attitude of today's stars, but then the reports continued revealing that the stars' security staff allegedly prevented a father from seeing his newborn preemie daughters. Furthermore, they went on to allege that hospital staffers were required to turn in their cell phones so that no photos could be leaked and apparently also required the staff to tape over the security cameras. While it might be okay to prevent photography by cell phone, if it's true that security cameras were covered, that creates a security risk for all of the patients and staff at the hospital – and even for the very stars who allegedly demanded this behavior.
There's much more I could say on this topic, but so many others have already shared their thoughts. And perhaps, the reports are completely wrong. Just as it was misconstrued a few days ago when it was reported that Elin Nordegren demolished the $12.3 million dollar home she bought. Initial media coverage positioned it as a self-centered indulgence or revenge against her philandering ex-husband, Tiger Woods.
Now, a few days later, the online news media is reporting that Tiger's ex had the property razed because it didn't meet current standards regarding its ability to withstand hurricanes – and it was termite infested. Apparently, Ms. Nordegren had told Habitat for Humanity that they could come in before the demolition and take what they want. That's a bit better. But, in today's economy, it's still tough to stomach the destruction of a $12.3 million property.
Of course, the news continues to be bad. Our state (Illinois) now has the lowest credit rating of any of the 50 states. Yahoo! News reports that the Greek government made a decision to expand a list of disability categories to include pedophiles. The Republican candidates are spending millions and millions of dollars to bad-mouth members of the very political party they belong to. Blah, blah, blah. The news is truly a downer.
A Changing Tide
After a quiet evening with the kids and some relaxing music, my husband and I switched on Rock Center with Brian Williams. This was the reminder I needed of the good in humanity. Always professional, but with a glint in his eye, Mr. Williams delivers the news with just the right tone and tonight was no different. One of the stories that caught my attention was when he introduced "veteran parent" Kate Snow – from the moment that he introduced her as a veteran parent (rather than veteran reporter), I knew this story would be worth my time.
While I was aware of the Percy Jackson books, I didn't realize how they came to be. Middle school teacher, Rick Riordan, had a son who didn't enjoy reading. A loving father spending time with his son was the genesis of this multi-million dollar empire. Ms. Snow went on to effectively communicate the parallel growth of these books and Mr. Riordan's relationship with his son. I hope you'll read more about it here.
As Rock Center was wrapping up and I was winding down, Ron Allen beautifully shared the story of Mike and Missy Wilson who exude love, acceptance and compassion. Nearly in tears watching as these parents talked about their two adopted children from Haiti, you could see the pain in their hearts as they seek to do even more for Haitian kids than they already have. Mr. Allen (himself the adoptive father of an Ethopian daughter) shared the poignant details about how a chance encounter between Pastor Wilson and Mr. Williams led to life-changing events for these sweet little girls. I hope you'll take a few moments to read the report here (and watch the video).
It's Not Over Till It's Over
Yes, it's been a discouraging day seeing all the bad news – or what is construed as good news as in the case of a million dollar birth to two superstars. I feel like I'm fighting an uphill battle to raise kind and generous children.
I don't want my kids to worship and adore those who shine for a few moments and then indulge themselves in ridiculous ways. I want my son and daughter to recognize and value those who truly make a difference in this world. One person at a time. Not one #1 hit at a time.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Recipe for Success
I love spending time in the kitchen with my kids. It's a place where we can talk about what's been happening with their day and we can create something together. I've also found that my picky eater is more willing to try – and ultimately enjoy – new foods or ones that he normally wouldn't like.
Besides enjoying their companionship and giving us some good one-on-one time (I sometimes have both kids in the kitchen, other times it's just one), it's a great learning experience. Both of my kids are great readers, but even before they could read words, they could look at the visual instructions on a cake mix which would show a picture of two eggs, a cooking oil bottle and a measuring cup with water.
It All Adds Up
I often double recipes and freeze a full batch for the future. This becomes a lesson in math and fractions as we modify the ingredient quantities to fit our needs. We also talk about how chemistry plays a role in baking as the properties of various ingredients interact to produce the desired outcome (cake or cookies that rise rather than resulting in snacks that resemble hockey pucks).
Nutrition is also at the forefront of our planning. I typically plan meals one week at a time based on our upcoming schedule and what the kids will be having for lunch at school. Because it's easy to get in a rut, I often let the children plan the meals. They know that each meal needs protein, fruit, vegetables and – because we're carb lovers – bread, pasta or potatoes. We are not a family that diets or lives by super-strict food rules, nor are we a family that thrives on junk food. We simply try to maintain moderation in all things, knowing that eating healthy food fuels our body, while a few treats are okay as part of our overall intake. We hope this moderate approach to eating spills over into other aspects of their lives.
Changing Roles
A few months ago, my daughter (who was 10 at the time) said, "Thanks for letting us cook with you, Mom. I know it takes longer when we do it together." She's right. When kids are first learning to cook, it does take more effort as you work through every single step with them. My response to her was, "You're right. It does take longer and you're very mature to notice that. But you know what? Even though there are some times when I need to get dinner ready quickly, all the other nights I enjoy the extra time – I love spending time with you and your brother."
Fast forward just a few months and things have already changed so much. This week I realized that I was providing minimal coaching and we were working as a well-oiled team with each of us putting together a different part of the meal. In a way, it made me sad to know that they're growing up so fast. But in another way, I was so very proud of the independence and capability they displayed as they each make significant contributions to getting family dinner on the table.
Recipe for a Happy Home
Quite often, my favorite recipes come from those church or community cookbooks where people share their family's recipes. Here's the introduction to one such cookbook:
A Happy Home Recipe
4 cups of love
2 cups of loyalty
3 cups of forgiveness
1 cup of friendship
5 spoons of hope
2 spoons of tenderness
4 quarts of faith
1 barrel of laughter
Take love and loyalty, mix it thoroughly with faith. Blend it with tenderness, kindness and understanding. Add friendship and hope; sprinkle abundantly with laughter. Bake it with sunshine. Serve daily with generous helpings.
Happy cooking to you and your family!
Besides enjoying their companionship and giving us some good one-on-one time (I sometimes have both kids in the kitchen, other times it's just one), it's a great learning experience. Both of my kids are great readers, but even before they could read words, they could look at the visual instructions on a cake mix which would show a picture of two eggs, a cooking oil bottle and a measuring cup with water.
It All Adds Up
I often double recipes and freeze a full batch for the future. This becomes a lesson in math and fractions as we modify the ingredient quantities to fit our needs. We also talk about how chemistry plays a role in baking as the properties of various ingredients interact to produce the desired outcome (cake or cookies that rise rather than resulting in snacks that resemble hockey pucks).
Changing Roles
A few months ago, my daughter (who was 10 at the time) said, "Thanks for letting us cook with you, Mom. I know it takes longer when we do it together." She's right. When kids are first learning to cook, it does take more effort as you work through every single step with them. My response to her was, "You're right. It does take longer and you're very mature to notice that. But you know what? Even though there are some times when I need to get dinner ready quickly, all the other nights I enjoy the extra time – I love spending time with you and your brother."Fast forward just a few months and things have already changed so much. This week I realized that I was providing minimal coaching and we were working as a well-oiled team with each of us putting together a different part of the meal. In a way, it made me sad to know that they're growing up so fast. But in another way, I was so very proud of the independence and capability they displayed as they each make significant contributions to getting family dinner on the table.
Recipe for a Happy Home
Quite often, my favorite recipes come from those church or community cookbooks where people share their family's recipes. Here's the introduction to one such cookbook:
A Happy Home Recipe
4 cups of love
2 cups of loyalty
3 cups of forgiveness
1 cup of friendship
5 spoons of hope
2 spoons of tenderness
4 quarts of faith
1 barrel of laughter
Take love and loyalty, mix it thoroughly with faith. Blend it with tenderness, kindness and understanding. Add friendship and hope; sprinkle abundantly with laughter. Bake it with sunshine. Serve daily with generous helpings.
Happy cooking to you and your family!
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Life is a Game
Well, not really. But you can learn a lot about life from playing games.
During the winter break, we spent quite a bit of time playing games with our children – both traditional board games and video games on the Wii. At each stage of a child's life, playing games can provide valuable lessons.
Toddlers and Preschoolers
At this age, children can learn some some important fundamentals when playing games with grown-ups. One of the biggest things they learn is about taking turns and being patient. When playing games with children of this age, it's important that each person's turn be relatively short to align with the children's short attention span. That doesn't mean it should be a frenetic, fast-paced crazy game – just one that moves along steadily. In addition, games should be short, averaging less than 30 minutes at a time.
Many games for young children teach them about colors, counting and letters. Quite often, games have a "junior" version that can be used until they're old enough for the "real" one. These include Monopoly, Scrabble and many others. In addition, games for the Wii or other active games (Duck, Duck, Goose) provide an opportunity to exercise and burn off some of that youthful energy.
Primary to Middle School Children
By the time kids are in school and reading, they can move on to many more games. Two of the most critical lessons children learn at this age are about integrity and fairness. Examples of how integrity can be modeled and coached is to be sure everyone follows the basic rules – don't hide a "bad" card or Scrabble tile, don't move your marker when someone isn't looking and don't lie about any aspect of the game.
You can praise their honesty as well as provide consequences for deceit. For example, "Susie, you may not hide cards that you don't like. If you do that again, you'll need to take a break from playing while the rest of us continue with the game." When starting up the next round or game, invite Susie to come back and join the fun with a reminder to be honest.
Fairness is a tough lesson to teach as there are two sides to the coin. First of all, fairness means playing according to the rules and expectations of the other players. This relates closely to the integrity lesson explained above. However, there's also the "life isn't fair" element. Sometimes, even when you play by the rules and are a good sport, you will lose. Unfortunately, this is part of life and playing games with loved ones is a safe place to learn that lesson.
In the previous paragraph, I mention being a good sport. Unfortunately, many adults still haven't learned this. It's important for the adults players to demonstrate how to be both a good winner and a good loser. In addition to being a good sport when playing with children, it's wise to be a good example when playing with adults (kids are very observant) and when watching athletic events (in person or on TV). This is a great time to teach them that good winners don't gloat or mock the losing players, and that good losers don't pout and storm away from the game table, but instead express their congratulations to the winner.
Junior High and High School
By this time, games are more complex and can stretch your teen's mind. Games like Trivial Pursuit expose the players to a wide range of topics while games like Chess encourage critical thinking and strategic planning.
But at this age, the most important aspect of playing games is to keep those lines of communication open in a non-threatening way. Teens really DO need their parents, even if they won't admit it. This is one place where conversations may happen organically just by being together. Of course, teens love video games, so those may become a part of your family game time – be a good sport and play along.
Adults
Although I'm not ready to imagine my children as grown and married (and you probably aren't either), playing games as adults is a wonderful way to reconnect, laugh and share memories. Our family always spends time playing games during the holidays, usually ending up with laughter and good-natured teasing as grandparents try to rock Guitar Hero and the children sometimes beat the adults at trivia games.
Yes, games are a part of life. And they can make your life that much richer. Play on!
During the winter break, we spent quite a bit of time playing games with our children – both traditional board games and video games on the Wii. At each stage of a child's life, playing games can provide valuable lessons.
Toddlers and Preschoolers
At this age, children can learn some some important fundamentals when playing games with grown-ups. One of the biggest things they learn is about taking turns and being patient. When playing games with children of this age, it's important that each person's turn be relatively short to align with the children's short attention span. That doesn't mean it should be a frenetic, fast-paced crazy game – just one that moves along steadily. In addition, games should be short, averaging less than 30 minutes at a time.
Many games for young children teach them about colors, counting and letters. Quite often, games have a "junior" version that can be used until they're old enough for the "real" one. These include Monopoly, Scrabble and many others. In addition, games for the Wii or other active games (Duck, Duck, Goose) provide an opportunity to exercise and burn off some of that youthful energy.
Primary to Middle School Children
By the time kids are in school and reading, they can move on to many more games. Two of the most critical lessons children learn at this age are about integrity and fairness. Examples of how integrity can be modeled and coached is to be sure everyone follows the basic rules – don't hide a "bad" card or Scrabble tile, don't move your marker when someone isn't looking and don't lie about any aspect of the game.
You can praise their honesty as well as provide consequences for deceit. For example, "Susie, you may not hide cards that you don't like. If you do that again, you'll need to take a break from playing while the rest of us continue with the game." When starting up the next round or game, invite Susie to come back and join the fun with a reminder to be honest.
Fairness is a tough lesson to teach as there are two sides to the coin. First of all, fairness means playing according to the rules and expectations of the other players. This relates closely to the integrity lesson explained above. However, there's also the "life isn't fair" element. Sometimes, even when you play by the rules and are a good sport, you will lose. Unfortunately, this is part of life and playing games with loved ones is a safe place to learn that lesson.
In the previous paragraph, I mention being a good sport. Unfortunately, many adults still haven't learned this. It's important for the adults players to demonstrate how to be both a good winner and a good loser. In addition to being a good sport when playing with children, it's wise to be a good example when playing with adults (kids are very observant) and when watching athletic events (in person or on TV). This is a great time to teach them that good winners don't gloat or mock the losing players, and that good losers don't pout and storm away from the game table, but instead express their congratulations to the winner.
Junior High and High School
By this time, games are more complex and can stretch your teen's mind. Games like Trivial Pursuit expose the players to a wide range of topics while games like Chess encourage critical thinking and strategic planning.
But at this age, the most important aspect of playing games is to keep those lines of communication open in a non-threatening way. Teens really DO need their parents, even if they won't admit it. This is one place where conversations may happen organically just by being together. Of course, teens love video games, so those may become a part of your family game time – be a good sport and play along.
Adults
Yes, games are a part of life. And they can make your life that much richer. Play on!
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